Crossing the threshold

Some years ago, I had a client who was a senior executive and in the public eye. As part of his job, he had to do a fair amount of public speaking, which I helped him with.

My client was super smart, conscientious, and cared deeply about his work. He put a lot of thought into his presentations. And while they always went okay, he was never entirely satisfied with them and it was clear to us both that he wasn’t quite making the impact he wanted to make. 

The problem was clear to me. Every time we worked on a speech, he focused on explaining things just right. He rewrote our drafts over and over again, tinkering with the language, inevitably making them longer and more complicated in the process. In his mind, if he could just find the right metaphor, bit of detail, or clever framework then it would all come together. 

But that wasn’t what was missing, and I knew it. 

At one point I said to him, “You could walk up to that stage today and tell this audience your story, and even if it was messy and unprepared, if you spoke from the heart, they’d be running to the back of the room afterwards to shake your hand and talk to you.”

I said that with confidence because my client did have stories to share—relevant ones. And he was a passionate, empathetic, creative person. But that wasn’t coming through on stage. 

I knew if I could get him to cross this threshold with me then we could really get somewhere. 

I’d love for this to be the part where I tell you my magic solution and how we transformed his communications, but the truth is, we never got there. 

Sometimes, people just aren’t ready. 

We all have masks we wear. Storytelling and communicating is an invitation to drop the masks, at least a little bit, to connect with other people. 

This doesn’t mean you have to reveal every personal detail about you, but if you are going to genuinely connect, you have to let people in. 

And that can be really uncomfortable. Scary even. So hard it might even feel impossible.

I call it “crossing the threshold” because this kind of honesty is like a doorway. The moment you take that step, you’ve arrived somewhere new. 

You don’t get to that new place without opening the door, and walking through. 

But when you do, the results are magical. 

While I couldn’t get this particular client to that new place, I’ve helped many others through the doorway, and there is nothing like it. And let me tell you, audiences DO line up to talk to them afterwards, thanking them for their vulnerability and candor… and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. 

I’ve been advocating for authentic and meaningful storytelling the entire time I’ve been running this business, but if you read my recent newsletter on writing a new chapter, you’ll know I’ve had my own threshold to cross. 

On March 31, 2024, a few words passed through my lips, and I’ve since spent the past year having conversations that petrified me. 

Conversation after conversation after conversation. And I was somewhere on the spectrum of nervous-to-terrified for each of them. 

And can you guess what happened? 

My connection with others got better.

My honesty has allowed me to deepen existing relationships, and build new ones. While some are more complicated (and yes, there’s been some loss), by and large I feel a much greater sense of connection, community, friendship, support, and mutual love and appreciation than ever before.

It’s more clear to me than ever: If you want to be seen, you have to let people see you. 

If you want people to believe in you, to follow you, to trust you, to get behind your ideas or your leadership, they have to connect with who you are as a person. 

And they can’t do that if you’re always holding back. 

If you’re looking to get to the next level in your thought leadership, or make a bigger impact with your storytelling, or you feel stuck in some way, it may be that you have to take a deep breath and cross that threshold.

So here is your homework assignment this week: Look for an opportunity to take a step towards that threshold.

Just take a step. It doesn’t have to be a giant leap (unless you want it to be). 

Look for a space or place where you could share a bit more of yourself. That story you’ve been keeping to yourself. That part of you that you’ve been hiding. Let someone (even if it’s an audience of one—heck, it can be me if you want) see it. 

Try it, and let me know what happens next. 

Oh, and one more thing before you go: 

If you need help making a speech, presentation — or even a wedding toast — more impactful or connection-worthy, I offer 1:1 workshopping sessions for exactly this purpose.
 
Learn more and apply here: www.camdeputter.com/workshopping-session