Why you need to get over “being humble.”

Why you need to get over “being humble.”

Have you ever tried to write a blog post (or e-newsletter, article, or similar) and found yourself getting stuck in thoughts like this:

Ugh – I’m talking about myself too much.

What if people think I just love the sound of my own voice?

Do people really want to hear what I have to say?

If you ever have any of these types of thoughts or concerns, listen up. In today’s post I’m going to deliver a little tough love, and a practical solution.

First, a quick caveat. There will always be some folks in the world who are all too happy to dominate the conversation. But that’s not you, and that’s not who this blog is for.

If you’re reading this, I can safely assume that you’re here to bring something good into the world. You want to use your voice, your knowledge, your thought leadership to improve things for others, as well as yourself and your organization. That’s a noble goal, and it deserves to be championed.

So with that in mind, here’s what I want you to know:

Performative humility is not the answer. Don’t try to sound humble, or self-deprecate, or (as a friend of mine likes to say), “Ninja crap” all over yourself.

You don’t need to try to sound like less of an authority. Own your place in the conversation.

While humility can be a wonderful practice in life, in storytelling it can actually be selfish.

It’s an act of protection, akin to “if I put myself down first, then maybe no one else will.”

That doesn’t serve your readers. It doesn’t get you closer to making the change you want to make in the world.

What does work? Three things:

Empathy. Vulnerability. Generosity.

This is the magic trio. Put your time and attention towards these things with your storytelling and your work and its impact will transform.

I could devote an entire book chapter to each of these things (and actually, I just might—join my Storytelling Insiders group to find out).

For now though, here are a few prompts to ponder:

#1 Empathy

  • What does my audience need and want?
  • Who do they want to become?
  • What problems are they struggling with? For example: do they need support, inspiration, guidance, information, a new perspective?
  • What do they wish was better in their lives, their work, their world?

#2 Vulnerability

  • How am I holding back when communicating with my audience? For example: am I trying too hard to uphold a persona? Am I covering up how I actually feel about this?
  • What stories can I share or what can I express to my readers to help them know that I am a real, imperfect person just like they are?
  • What could I say / make / do / offer that would help my audience, if I was brave enough to give it to them?

#3 Generosity

  • How might I give my audience more of what they need?
  • What could I do that would help my audience have a better day today?
  • How can I show up to this project with a service-oriented posture?

Now, imagine that instead of worrying about how you’re coming across, you put all that time and attention into the above kinds of questions.

Imagine you sustained that focus, curiosity, and dedication to your audience over years.

How might that transform what you’re able to accomplish as a leader in your field?

Thought leadership requires you to stake a claim to your authority. Diminishing yourself doesn’t help. But if you devote yourself to thinking about your readers and meeting them with empathy, vulnerability, and generosity?

Well, that’s a recipe for mutual transformation. For connection. For powerful, world-changing work.

And I know you can do it.

Oh, and one more thing before you go:

I want to acknowledge that doing this work isn’t easy. It often requires you to dig a little bit deeper.

That’s why partnership is so important, and why I work closely with my clients to help them achieve their best work. (Sometimes this means gently and compassionately kicking their butts a little bit.)

Here’s what a few of my clients have to say about that:

“Camille asks the right questions, listens well, and offers useful feedback in a way that balances directness and diplomacy. She brings a lot of emotional intelligence to her work and can help even guarded people open up and share their stories.” – Dr. Krista Scott-Dixon

“Acting as a thought partner, Camille often challenged me to think harder and think differently. This isn’t always delightful. Sometimes it hurts. But it’s always led to better ideas and better work. Work that I’m proud of.” – Dr. John Berardi

“Camille -- thank you for challenging me. You keep me fired up to keep showing up every day and do the work… and I really appreciate your words of encouragement. You’ve helped keep my spark ignited.” – Donene Taylor, WPRA World Champion

“I like that Camille will press me on my personal bias or blind spots in what I've written. She challenges me in my writing process and shows me how to make it better, while being fair.” – Dr. Helen Kollias

If you’re the kind of person who likes to be challenged, encouraged, and coached to do your best work ever, contact me. Just write me at camille@camilledeputter.com, or add your name to my wait list here: camilledeputter.com/waitlist

Thanks for sharing your empathy, vulnerability, and generosity. The world is better for it.