The #1 mistake in communications

I have a massive pet peeve related to communications, but it might not be what you think.

I actually don’t care that much about spelling mistakes in everyday writing.

Nor am I hung up on grammar rules.

Imperfections don’t bother me too much... as long as the author is saying something.

And this is where I think the mistake lies for many people:

They use words. But they don’t necessarily say anything.*

In order to say something meaningful, you have to a take a risk.

You have to decide what it is, exactly, you’re trying to say.

What is the point? What is the assertion you’re making? What is the key idea you’re trying to share? What are its implications?

What do you hope people will take away from reading or listening to your work? And what will they do next?

As communicators, we don’t have to have all the answers. We can raise issues, bring topics up for discussion, create a space for collaboration.

But we do have to bring some kind of direction with us — our point of view.

And that feels risky.

If I make a suggestion, share an idea, propose a next-step, make a definitive statement, ask a clearly defined question, share my view of things... I might get it wrong.

Worse yet, I could be judged. Because sharing a point of view is to show others something from within ourselves. It’s revealing. So that feels risky too.

Many folks avoid these risks. (And more often than not, they avoid them without even realizing that’s what they’re doing.) More on that in a second.

Here’s how to spot the kinds of non-communications I’m talking about.

Some signs of “non-communicating”:

• You read someone’s writing and at a glance, it feels like something is being said... but when you drill into it, the statements aren’t meaningful and/or you can’t pinpoint a single, clear message.
• They talk around the problem. They speak or write in circular ways, perhaps suggesting there are issues or opportunities, but never clearly defining what those things are, or how to address them.
• They raise concerns, feelings, or worries, but again, without specifying the issue or offering next steps or a path forward.
• They say they’re just “thinking out loud” — which can be useful in certain discussions, but can also be a way of avoiding assertions or making clear statements
• Their writing is rambling and/or without structure, and never seems to arrive at a destination.
• They use passive voice. A lot. (e.g., “It might be a good idea to consider if we could possibly do something like X.”, or “should we be considering X?”... vs. “consider X.”)
• There are many possible ideas couched within a single communication, with no cohesive narrative thread, take-away, or summary to tie it all together.
• When you review the work and think, “so what?”, or “what’s the key point here?”, the answer isn’t clear.

Keep an eye out for this kind of communicating and I bet you’ll start to notice it. In meetings, emails, memos, video messages, comments in collaborative documents... you name it. It shows up a lot.

(And you know what’s great for this kind of ineffectual writing? AI. I think one of the reasons people like to use LLMs for writing is because it feels like they’re writing. It feels like they’re saying something. But when you take a closer look, the writing is hollow, circular, bland, and meaningless.)

These kinds of communications go nowhere.

They are not effective. They don’t help others. They don’t move things forward. They don’t inspire or ignite change, or action of any kind. They don’t help projects get done. And they don’t help us connect with each other. What a waste.

To be clear, I certainly don’t want anyone to be less conscientious or considerate.

Care when communicating is a requirement.

It helps no one to make sweeping generalizations, caustic statements, or say things “just to be controversial.” We don’t need another “devil’s advocate.”

What we do need in this world is people who are willing to look clearly at things, and tell the truth.

We need people who are willing to do the work of real, human, put-yourself-on-the-hook communicating.

We need people who will connect what is within both their hearts and minds, and share it in a way that is genuine, assertive, and open-minded.

Yes: we need all of this.

I believe that’s how we do our best work, both as professionals, and as people.

If communicating feels risky for you, that’s a good thing.

It means you care.

It means you’re daring to engage with the risk, rather than opting out.

It means you’re connected to how this work really feels. (Because if there’s no risk attached, it’s not the real work.)

And that’s incredible.

So, this is my invitation to you:

Lean into the risk. Accept the challenge and embrace the discomfort.

Make more assertions. Get things wrong. Then learn, and correct.

And keep going.

As always, I’m so happy you’re here.

One more thing before you go: the reason I can spot ineffectual communications from a mile away is that I’ve devoted my life to helping people communicate better.

I’m a pro at synthesizing your big jumbled knot of ideas, helping you define and refine exactly what you want to say, and then helping you say it in the most meaningful and effective way.

So if you need help communicating better, or making your next great product (like a book or cert), drop me a line and we’ll chat.

*For my music nerds, what song does this line remind you of?