What Is The Right (And Wrong) Thing To Say?

May 01, 2020

So much has changed in the last couple months. Today I'd like to consider the question: What does this mean for your story?

If you’re looking to communicate with other people (like your community, clients/customers, colleagues, readers at large), you might be wondering:

What’s the RIGHT thing to say?
What’s the WRONG thing to say? (“I don’t want to appear tone-deaf or insensitive.”)
Does my story still matter? (“Are my ideas and messages still relevant? How does my perspective fit into things?”)

And most of all...

How do I communicate appropriately — but still move forward with the stories, work, projects, and pursuits I care about?

I’m not going to answer those questions directly (though you know I’m allllllways going to tell you that your story matters). But here’s what I am going to do:

I’m going to give you a set of guiding principles to help you answer those questions for yourself.

Because while a lot has changed, the pillars of good communication have not.

If you use these principles — and ultimately, your values — as a guide, I truly believe you can make a positive contribution that you feel good about.

10 Time-Tested Communication Principles.

Basics that matter, no matter what the heck is going on!

1. Honesty.
Tell people what you know. Be honest about what you don’t. Honesty shows through.

2. Empathy.
Think about your people — your constituents, communities, customers, audience, readers, whoever you want to reach. What are they thinking and feeling right now? What do they need most?

In order to figure this out, you have a bunch of options. You can anticipate and imagine based on your prior experience; you can ask them; you can research; you can simply ask yourself: how would I feel in their situation?

However you approach it, make your best attempt at putting yourself in their shoes. This will help you figure out what to say, and how to say it.

3. Helpfulness.
Building on the above, how can you help the people you’re speaking to? What can you share that will serve them, based on what they need and want right now?

For example, can you offer:
- information
- perspective
- skills
- knowledge
- an attitude, mindset, or point of view
- tools, techniques, or tips
- presence; holding space, being there
- acknowledgement; helping them feel seen
- transparency
- challenging the status quo; calling up others to do better…

And so on.

4. Consistency.
What can they expect from you? When will they hear from you?

Tell your people clearly and directly, and then deliver. Do not over-promise; be realistic.

And if something happens and you can’t deliver on your commitment, update your readers regularly, realistically, and honestly (see #1).

5. Initiative.
You can ask, but preferably, don’t wait to be asked.

What I mean by this is that you can always ask people what they want and need from you. But if people are asking for something from you, it might be a sign you waited too long.

Anticipate with empathy, then create. Why wait? Get started now.

6. Clarity.
Vague language is a cover up. Clarity demands that we challenge ourselves to figure out exactly what we want to say, and then say exactly that.

Full disclosure: this one can be tough. Clarity of message is often a work in progress. Do your best to continue to seek clarity on the topics you care about, even after you’ve hit publish, print, or send.

7. Receptivity.
Look: you might get it wrong, but that’s okay. As long as you commit to getting it right next time.

Learn from your experiments, your rejections, and your successes.

It might not be easy, but do your best to take feedback. Respond to it. And commit to doing better.

8. Effort.
Strive to do your best with what you’ve got. Don’t get stuck on perfection — this truly kills so many great stories before they start — but don’t try to just get it off your to-do list, either.

Readers can always tell when the writer doesn’t really want to be writing. Your words matter. Put in your best and make them count.

If the situation calls for it, strive to nail that last 10%.

9. Humanness.
You’re a human being, and so am I. That’s a good thing. :) Let it show.

The best writing has an element of humanness, uniqueness, or personality to it. Sure, some forms of communication have to be very specific, but most of the time we can and should write and speak like human beings. That’s how we relate to each other, after all.

10. Courage.
This is probably the least talked about when it comes to communicating, but I believe it’s the most important pillar.

Communicating involves a degree of risk. It requires a willingness to be present, to be a bit vulnerable, to reveal yourself.

That means you might be wrong. People might disagree with you, they might not like what you write, they might chase you back into your little writing cave with fiery lanterns.

Worse yet: you might not like what you write.

At best, you’re going to be at least a little bit unsure a lot of the time.

As you should be. Real, heartfelt communication demands uncertainty.

And so, it takes courage. To be a part of things. To say your part. To tell the story that you believe matters.

This is why you need courage. Courage — and what you might call heart.

And the good news is, you’ve got this in spades. I know you do. That's why you're here.